Is it a Mall? A Museum? An Office Park? All Three?

Rarely do we see an 11k square foot waterfront mansion with so little… well, cohesion… but oh, so many mirrors!

The listing states this is one of the largest homes in Tampa… and “an investment opportunity of a lifetime awaiting your personal touch.” It also has a western-style saloon, a 10-car garage, and a primary bathroom bigger than your first apartment at a staggering 900 square feet.

As with many homes from the 80s, 90s, and 00s, the walls are unnecessarily sterile and white. But adding some tasteful wall colors is an easy fix. Updating the dated custom front door, mirrored walls, and off-centered tile work – not quite as easy.

The living room has some more odd touches, from the glass block lining the sides of the room to the mirrored ceilings to the tiny black tiles that sprinkle the floor at seemingly random intervals.

The original owners must have been big fans of glass blocks, which first appeared in homes in the 1930s and became a huge trend in new homes in the 1980s. They’re still popular in spaces where you need a bit of privacy but want natural light (like bathrooms). Unfortunately, these Caribbean turquoise blocks are not doing this kitchen any favors.

At least they match this giant leather sectional and the strange class shelving installation behind the TV. Plus, who doesn’t want a glass elevator in their living room? So what if it only spans stories?

Next, you need to see these bathrooms. They’re all so different and yet so… unappealing at the same time.

The glass block continues in this bedroom – this time serving to turn your bed and nightstand into your very own nightlight. And, the primary bedroom features turquoise and gold tray ceilings – the likes of which I have not seen since a home on the set of a Nickelodeon sitcom.

Let’s not linger too long on the creepy Victorian dolls or the frat-house-level liquor collection mere steps from the bed…

Especially because the real star of this primary suite has to be the 900 square foot primary bath, featuring a walk-in shower that could easily hold your entire extended family.

The next (not sadly not last) bizarre feature of this mansion is the entire rooms (FOUR to be exact) it has dedicated to storage and display cases. Whoever lived here clearly had an impressive collection of some sort… but of what?

I spy some ceramic dolls hiding in this last room’s cases, and I sure hope these weren’t all filled with those. Yikes!

Finally, we’ve arrived at the weirdest part of this listing. (I know… how to top what you’ve seen so far!). Say hello to your very own 650-square-foot Western-themed saloon, complete with a wet bar, exposed wood beams, fireplace, plenty of Wild West memorabilia, an “outhouse,” and the only painted walls in the house (a creamy off-white… you don’t want to go CRAZY, think about resale!)

For $2.75 million, you also get a lovely all-season patio and pool with an outdoor kitchen and screened-in lanai.

So what do you think? Do you have the funds and the patience necessary to bring this sprawling estate into the 21st century? Or is it destined to remain as anachronistic as its Western saloon?

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Til next week,

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